Here Are 10 Expert-Approved Signs That She’s Really Into You
Women often (and justifiably!) complain about how men flirt. They’re too aggressive, too overt, too in-your-face, and all of that can make things awkward or even downright uncomfortable for women. Naturally, men have their own version of this complaint in that women are just too subtle in their flirting.
Men use pickup lines. They approach total strangers at bars and clubs and coffee shops. They straight up tell a woman she’s beautiful. And women? Well, women do none of these things. And a lot of guys, understandably so, feel like women never flirt with them. But the cold hard truth here? Women do flirt, and fairly often, but men rarely pick up on the signs – science even says so. Women, you see, are subtle —something men often know nothing about — and so it pays to be attentive.
To help you out in this department, we spoke with two established dating experts to gather ten strong signs that the woman you’re talking to is romantically interested in you, and not just being friendly. They both had interesting insights to offer into the dynamics of flirtation.
How to Actually Tell If She’s Interested in You
Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples therapist in Los Angeles, spoke of the importance of body language: "Probably 80 percent of our communications are non-verbal. One of the more subtle signs that a girl is interested in you romantically is that she flirts with you in non-verbal ways. It could be a simple wink of her eye. Perhaps she looks at you briefly, looks away for a few moments, and then looks at you in a way where her eyes are locked onto yours."
It’s also wise to not let your own thoughts get the best of you. Beware of the dangers of overthinking, and ground your approach to flirting in what you know about friendship.
"It is easy to ‘overthink’ this question. After all, the consequence of not thinking correctly that a girl likes you can result in your feeling hurt and confused," says Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, a nationally recognized psychotherapist and the author of Training Your Love Intuition. "Instead of torturing yourself emotionally, think first of how you know your guy friends like you! A healthy guy friendship includes calling or texting you to get together. You laugh together at the same things. He is not eager to end your time together. He suggests doing something specific with you–and sets a day and time to do it. If he does not know his schedule, he contacts you as soon as possible. He confides in you and respects your advice. He asks you about you."
Both of these established romance experts helped furnish us with a list of subtle signs of feminine flirtation, to better help you recognize the fine line between friendship and romantic interest.
1. She Smiles (A Lot)
Yes, everyone smiles, but excessive smiling is a sign that she’s happy to be around you and/or enjoying your company. It’s also a way of putting her best foot forward, since human beings intrinsically respond better to smiling, happy faces. Good moods, it turns out, are infectious.
2. She Rarely Checks Her Phone Around You
In an ideal world, phones would always be put away in the presence of friends, but we don’t live in an ideal world, and the cold fact is that most people check their phones often. If she keeps her phone in her purse, it isn’t just a sign that she’s polite (although it definitely is also that), it’s proof positive that she’s convinced your company is more important than anything else she might have going on.
3. She Shares Food or Drinks With You
"Oh my god, you have to try this!"
Sharing food is and always will be an intimate thing to do, an exchange of saliva one step less intimate than actual kissing, so it’s a safe bet that her willingness to offer you a bite of her meal or a sip from her cocktail is evidence of affection.
4. She Holds Eye Contact With You
Everybody makes eye contact, right? It’s part of normal human interaction. But if she holds that eye contact with you, or seeks out your gaze more often than normal, you can be reasonably sure she’s into you. Eye contact is intimate – just try staring into someone’s eyes for more than a few seconds – and lengthy eye contact creates a bond.
5. She Shares Personal Details About Her Life
People tend to be pretty on guard about their personal lives, reluctant to share details or open up about emotions. If she’s actively letting you in, telling you about her family or her career goals or her childhood, it’s because she wants you to know – and maybe wants to know about you as well.
6. She Makes Clear Plans to Get Together With You Again
"Let’s do this again sometime" is vague and indeterminate, whereas "What are you doing tomorrow? Let’s grab coffee" is straightforward and conveys intention. If she likes you, she won’t want to wait very long before seeing you again, whether that’s in a one-on-one setting or in a larger group.
And this sign is extra strong if she goes out of her way to do something she wouldn’t normally do, just to get a chance to spend time with you.
7. She Never Cuts Your Time Together Short
When romantic interest first blossoms, people are reluctant to separate. A simple coffee meetup lasts two hours, and then turns into a walk, and then into a meal, and maybe a movie. You get the picture. If she’s happy to spend time with you, she’ll be sad to see you go, and eager to prolong your hangout.
8. She Asks Questions About Your Life, Job & Passions
When women express interest in a man, one of the key areas they focus on is his passion and ambition. What do you do for work? What do you want to be doing? What are your hobbies & passions? Where do you see yourself in five or ten years?
These types of questions indicate her interest in you as a partner; they’re a way of assessing what kind of man you are and might be into the future.
9. She Always Looks Her Best Around You
Is she putting a lot of effort into her appearance, wearing nice clothes, having her hair styled and her makeup done? In the early stages of flirting, when she’s trying to impress you, she will will want to look her best for you, and whether or not you appreciate that she’s putting in the effort to look nice, you’ll probably notice her glow up.
10. She Isn’t Afraid to Touch You
Deliberate touching is a barrier rarely crossed among friends, especially with any kind of frequency, but if she’s constantly putting a hand on your arm or leg, leaning into you while you walk or sit at a bar, or lingering even a half-second longer than normal on hello and goodbye hugs, it’s a good sign she’s interested.
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