astronaut

Astronauts are the pillars of American society, chosen for their dangerous and noble profession on account of their intelligence, physical stamina, outstanding moral character, and exceptionally close-cropped hair. Astronauts can do no wrong, at least not where the public can see them. Where the public can’t see them, they can (and sometimes do) do plenty of wrong, and even modern astronauts sometimes screw up in big ways, not just because of making poor choices but because of their exceedingly awful personalities.

We’re not saying that awful personalities go with the job — more than 300 people have served as U.S. astronauts, and many of them have upheld the model-citizen image that NASA has always wanted them to have. But in every profession, there are always a few outliers, and some of them have been pretty exceptionally nasty. So if you were an astronaut-loving kid or you’re an adult who still thinks all astronauts can do no wrong, and knowing the truth might permanently wreck your worldview, we’ve got a nice article about cats you can read instead. Otherwise, prepare to be more selective in choosing your personal heroes.

james donald halsell jr
lisa nowak
donn eisele
alan shepard
buzz aldrin
thad roberts