Girl Scout Cookies

Eating Girl Scout Cookies has become a yummy annual tradition for Americans from sea to shining sea. You simply pick your favorite variety of Girl Scout Cookies and once the box is in your hands, you gleefully stuff your face. Not only will your taste buds thank you, you don’t feel as guilty about the extra calories because the money you spent on the cookies raises funds for Girl Scouts to empower the next generation of brilliant, mighty, and ambitious women that will one day run the world.

The origins of Girls Scouts using cookies to fund their endeavors can be traced back to Muskogee, Oklahoma over 100 years ago. That’s when, in 1917, a high school cafeteria was home to the first cookies sold by Girl Scouts. By the 1940s, Girl Scout Cookies had become a national phenomenon and some of the flavors from that era are still around today.

While you have a lot of choices when selecting the variety of Girl Scout Cookies you will buy (varieties vary depending on where you live), not all the choices are created equally. Here’s the definitive ranking of Girl Scout Cookies (including a few retired flavors we won’t ever forget), starting with the worst and ending with the best.

Toffee-tastic Girl Scout Cookies

Toffee-tastic Girl Scout Cookies

Toffee-tastic is gluten-free — and that fact is painfully obvious. These cookies are extremely crumbly and not in a satisfying way. Instead, if the cookie hasn’t crumbled before you pick it up, it’s possible that it will fall apart before you can successfully transport it to your face’s cookie hole.

The texture once you take a bite is entirely unpleasant — it’s like eating a mixture of sand and chalk. If you don’t keep your lips closed while chewing and swallowing, don’t be surprised if a plume of cookie dust begins to emanate from your mouth.

To take matters from bad to worse, the flavor is lacking. There’s not enough toffee in these cookies to be worthy of the Toffee-tastic moniker — but just enough toffee chunks to annoyingly get stuck in your teeth. To top it off, these bland cookies are salty. In fact, the saltiness is the primary flavor you’ll taste after eating two or three of these things.

Even if Toffee-tastic is the last variety of Girl Scout Cookies left when you’re ordering, you should still pass. These cookies are hardly edible and not worth the trouble or mess.

Lemon-Ups Girl Scout Cookies

A new variety of Girl Scout Cookies for this year, Lemon-Ups are a home run when it comes to encouragement and motivation, as each cookie contains an inspirational message. Depending on the cookie, you will see a message like "I am a go-getter" or "I am strong." While the words are noble and could bolster your day, that’s about the extent of the list of positives when it comes to Lemon-Ups.

Beyond the messaging, these cookies fail to pick a lane. Instead of being either a sweet treat or a delightfully sour goody, Lemon-Ups tried to achieve both — and the result is an unmitigated disaster. The first thing you’ll taste when bite into one of these crispy Girl Scout Cookies is the sweetness from the iced bottom of the cookie. Unfortunately, the sweet flavoring is unpleasantly overpowering. Before your taste buds have time to adjust to the sweetness, you are hit with an equally pungent sour sensation from softer top of the cookie.

While the multiple textures of Lemon-Ups is somewhat pleasing for your mouth and the inspirational messages could brighten your day, the actual taste of these cookies will have you regretting your choice if you select this variety of Girl Scout Cookies.