AMY SCHUMER OSCARS 2022 MONOLOGUE

When Oscars co-host Amy Schumer took the stage for her solo monologue at tonight’s ceremony, she was full of self-deprecation, starting out by saying, “I’m Amy Schumer, or as they know me in Hollywood, ‘Melissa McCarthy said no.’” But she didn’t just tell jokes at her own expense. Schumer was then given the floor on her own to discuss the evening’s nominees, and spared no feelings in a hilarious monologue where she called out the nominated actors, directors, and films.

As she scanned the room, she pointed out the evening’s attendees and congratulating them for their work. “During a raging pandemic, you made a movie, give yourselves a hand, that’s incredible, you did it!” she told those in the audience. “And yet…they weren’t all great. A lot of them were pretty hard to understand, you know who you are, I didn’t see many… any of of them. I didn’t see them. I have a toddler so I just watched Encanto 190 times.” (Same, girl.)

“Inspirational, isn’t it? After years of Hollywood ignoring womens’ stories, we finally got a movie about the incredible Williams’ sisters’…dad,” she deadpanned, before rolling into a joke about the night’s hottest couples. “Will, Jada, what a beautiful couple. We’re honoring a lot of couples here tonight, actually. Jada and Will Smith. Penelope and Javier Bardem. Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal. A night for lovers!” Schumer joked as the camera held on the Gyllenhaal… siblings.

Schumer saved some of her best jokes for Adam McKay’s Don’t Look Up, saying, “Don’t Look Up is nominated. I guess the Academy members don’t look up… reviews.” (McKay seemed fully on-board with the jokes at his film’s expense as the camera panned to him.) Mentioning the film’s star Leonardo DiCaprio, she said, “Leonardo DiCaprio, what can I even say about him? He’s done so much to fight climate change and leave behind a cleaner greener planet… For his girlfriends.” (It was a solid joke, but seems not to actually be that original, unfortunately.)

Schumer also took a swing at Aaron Sorkin’s Being The Ricardos, the Nicole Kidman-Javier Bardem film about Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. “Aaron Sorkin: a genius! Truly, right? I mean, the innovation to make a movie about Lucille Ball without even a moment that’s funny? Not your fault, Nicole,” Schumer said to Kidman, who was laughing in the audience. make it funny…” she started, adding, “If you’re Aaron Sorkin, how do you make a movie about the most iconic female comedian, not one laugh. It’s brilliant! It’s like making a biopic about Michael Jordan and just showing the bus trips between games.”

Next time, maybe Sorkin can call Amy to punch up his scripts.