In a move that proves Disney has all but given up on keeping Disney+ a family-friendly content hub, Deadpool and Deadpool 2 are now streaming on the service. The famously R-rated superhero, played by Ryan Reynolds, is pretty much the opposite of kid-friendly. Featuring close-ups of Deadpool’s crotch, sex scenes, masturbation, and lots and lots of blood, there are too many inappropriate Deadpool scenes to count. In fact, one might be hard-pressed to find a single scene in Deadpool that isn’t inappropriate for children.
But I’m here to tell parents that it’s not the violence or the sex they should be worried about if their kids watch Deadpool on Disney+. No, there is one scene in Deadpool that is so viscerally disturbing, so inherently wrong, that should a child under a certain age see it, they will most certainly be scarred for life. I’m speaking, of course, about the Deadpool with baby hands scene.
For those who haven’t seen the film, allow me to explain. Wade Wilson, aka Deadpool, has a healing factor, thanks to the highly unethical experimental cure for his cancer that renders him just a teensy bit mentally unstable—and also completely unable to die. But he doesn’t heal instantly. So when he saws off his own arm in order to escape handcuffs—like a fox gnawing its way out of a bear trap—he has to wait for that hand to grow back. Which he does, in full view of his roommate, Blind Al.
Luckily for Blind Al, played by the very funny Leslie Uggams, she’s blind, so she doesn’t have to watch the disgusting process of a tiny, new hand growing out of Wade’s bloody stump. We in the audience are not so lucky. Director Tim Miller milks the joke for all its worth, with close-ups of that terrible, awful baby hand—looking straight out of a Gerber commercial—caressing poor Al’s face.
“I am crazy, or is your hand really small?” Al asks, as Wade tenderly tickles her chin.
“About the size of a KFC spork,” Deadpool replies.
And of course, no Deadpool scene is complete without a masturbation joke: “I bet it feels huge in this hand.”
But really, of all the not-safe-for-work things in this movie, it is the uncanny image of that baby hand on a grown man’s body that has stuck with me and haunted my nightmares over the past seven years. If you care about your children’s mental well-being, you will protect them from this evil at all costs. You’re a sick, sick man, Tim Miller.