According to an old playground adage regarding flatulence, “the one who denied it supplied it.” There’s another one that goes something like “who cut the cheese without passing out the crackers?” Add them both together and you have a convincing case that ESPN commentator Dan Orlovsky followed up a sneeze with an unintentional fart during last night’s nationally televised Monday Night Football contest.
Let’s set the scene. As captured by Twitter user @lowlightheaven, Orlovsky was lavishing praise on Buffalo Bills quarterback Josh Allen during the pre-game show when he was overcome mid-sentence by a sneeze. It happens, we’ve all been there, no big deal. However, what happened next was very MUCH a big deal. A big and LOUD deal, in fact. Watch, but more importantly, LISTEN:
Great Caesar’s ghost! That sure as heck sounded like a long bomb, don’t ya think? It doesn’t help Orlovsky’s case that he fumbled his words after his rear end called an audible. “The big … [dramatic pause] … the big change is that the commitment to running,” a clearly flustered Orlovsky said, while his MNF colleagues Steve Levy and Louis Riddick stayed silent (but deadly!). Levy’s scrunched-up face, though, speaks volumes.
NFL fanatics may recall that Dan Orlovsky was a backup quarterback on the 2008 Detroit Lions team, the first team to go 0-16 in NFL history, but that stink was nothing compared to what went down in the broadcast booth last night.
No further mention of this malodorous moment was made on the broadcast, but Orlovsky took to Twitter after this game to relay this cryptic, yet telling, message. “Shoulda never tried to blue cheese… ,” he posted to his 461,000 Twitter followers.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, what we have here is an indirect admission of guilt! According to HEALable, a healthy living website, the side effects of eating blue cheese include “diarrhea, inflammation and flatulence.” What else could Orlovsky possibly have meant by this tweet?
Things got complicated a few hours later, though, when Orlovsky responded to a direct accusation from his fellow football commentator TJ Lang. “Lol I wish I did but I didn’t,” Orlovsky wrote. Say what now?
Very confusing, wouldn’t you say?
If Orlovsky DIDN’T toot, what could he possibly have meant by that blue cheese tweet? We smell a rat (but fortunately, not a fart.) Good thing Smell-o-Vision never caught on!