Illustration by Luis Rendon/NY Post

After the honeymoon phase of a relationship fades, there always seems to be one main conflict between married couples. Nearly every time they argue, they’re not so much confronting new issues as they are rehashing that same central fight over and over again.

“Everybody brings a history into their relationship, and couples get stuck in core issues … [that] they usually get into a destructive pattern communicating about,” Deb Castaldo, a family counselor based in Upper Saddle River, NJ, tells The Post.

But, Castaldo says, conflicts are normal in every relationship. Below are five common disagreements couples have and the best ways to work through them.

The authoritarian versus the fun parent

The Petkoff family Meg Faith Photography

Marielle Petkoff, a 29-year-old stay-at-home mom in Minneapolis, says she gets resentful that she works hard to keep her two kids on a strict schedule, while her husband gets to be the fun one.

I’m “always stuck doing the hard part of disciplining [the children],” she says.

Deb Castaldo Tamara Beckwith

Bedtimes for their kids, ages 2 and 4, have been a big point of contention. She wanted them promptly in bed at 7 and 7:30 p.m., respectively, while her husband would allow them to stay up late to play and watch TV. She’d be left to deal with potentially cranky toddlers in the morning and was also upset to have less adults-only time in the evenings.

They came to a compromise: Bedtimes are enforced during the week. On weekends, the kids get to stay up later, and Marielle and her husband take turns caring for the children in the morning, so they both get a chance to sleep in.

“I started making him get up with the kids when we keep them up late [the night before], and he realized how hard it is to deal with them [when we don’t adhere to bedtimes].” she says.

The weekday schedule also gives them more one-on-one time, which is key.

“We just talk about what’s bothering us and figure out whatever issues come up with the kids,” Petkoff says.

How to deal: Set aside time to discuss parenting issues away from the kids and find middle ground.

“I always encourage the couple to have the time alone at the end of the day to go over their parenting,” says Castaldo. “And I encourage them not to disagree with each other in front of the kids … You have to be a team.”

The martyr versus the martyr

Mary McClelland and her husband are sharing household duties more evenly these days.

Not every conflict is about opposites clashing.

Mary McClelland, a 35-year-old freelance writer, and her husband both felt underappreciated.

She thought she did more than her fair share, working from home, taking care of their kids and keeping the house clean. He thought working long hours at his job outside of the house was enough of a contribution.

Things came to a head in 2017 when her husband complained about the laundry not being put away. McClelland was furious and pointed out that putting away the laundry was just one of several tasks around the house that she had to deal with.

They decided to split up the chores more evenly to help rid their relationship of resentment. She now manages the kitchen and bathroom while he’s in charge of vacuuming and yardwork. She says that their deal has helped strengthen their marriage.

“I feel like we can relax more together in the house,” McClelland says.

How to deal: Clearly divide up tasks that are essential. If someone is particular about how a certain chore is performed, it should fall on them.

“The couple together needs to work on a baseline for the [household’s] combined needs, and whatever exceeds that baseline, the responsibility belongs to the higher-need partner,” says Angelica Magana-Rossin, a therapist at Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy in Midtown.

The conservative versus the liberal

Penina Wiesman-Schuster and her husband, Alan

Although Alan Schuster, 46, and his wife, Penina Wiesman-Schuster, 36, agree on a lot of things, they clash on politics: Alan is a conservative, and Penina is a liberal.

“We both feel passionate about our positions — he’s trying to convince me, and I’m trying to convince him,” says Penina, who’s a postdoctoral student and based in Belle Harbor, Queens. “So we try to meet in the middle in some ways, but sometimes we just have to agree to disagree.”

And after the shooting in Parkland, Fla., in February, gun control came to the forefront of their debates. (Penina is pro-gun control while Alan, who works in sales, says he initially thought teachers should be armed with guns.)

“It lasted almost an hour. It threw off our schedules for the day,” Penina says of one particularly heated discussion.

By the time their conversation was over, Alan says they didn’t even say “I love you” that morning. But two days later, they talked through their positions and found common ground. Penina agreed that not all guns should be taken away, while Alan conceded that teachers shouldn’t be armed.

“We came from 100 percent separation to being able to understand each other,” Alan says.

How to deal: The best way to talk about hot-button issues is to keep asking questions, says Magana-Rossin.

“When talking about politics people close off. They don’t want to hear the other person’s viewpoint,” she says. “To counter that, be curious about where they are coming from … curiosity is expansive, which will lead to more constructive conversations.”

The status quo versus the seeker

Stripe Demarest

In 1988, Stripe Demarest tried to spice up her relationship with her husband, whom she’d been married to for a year, by suggesting they get out of their comfort zone and explore some new activities together.

They took up dance, scuba diving and Spanish lessons, but her husband, whom she describes as very rational and level-headed, quickly soured on the pursuits.

“He’d go to a couple of classes and not be enthusiastic, and they were not drawing us closer together,” says Demarest, 47, a program manager from Flatbush who lives in New Hampshire now. Her husband was content with the interests he’d long had — judo, classical guitar and astronomy — while she insisted on exploring new hobbies.

“He finally snapped and said, ‘I don’t want to learn anything new. I have my three hobbies, and I don’t want any others,’” Stripe says.

Two years later they divorced, and Stripe says their different approaches to trying new things was a big reason behind the split.

“Learning is a lifelong experience for me, and I can’t imagine saying ‘I’m done,’ particularly when growing a relationship,” she says.

How to deal: Castaldo encourages each partner to meet in the middle.

“Try to say yes to each other as much as possible,” she says. She suggests spending alternating weekends pursuing each other’s passions in an attempt to find common ground. Then, “develop things that you both like.”

The saver versus the spender

A financial dispute led to the silent treatment for Chonce Rhea and her husband.Courtesy of Chonce Rhea

Chonce Rhea is a freelance finance writer based in Chicago, but she didn’t realize how tough it would be to talk about money with her husband of nearly two years.

“When we met, he didn’t have a lot of financial responsibility or experience saving money,” says Rhea, 26, a blogger at My Debt Epiphany, who describes herself as fiscally responsible.

Money matters came to a head in 2014 when she saw him upload a picture on Instagram of a Nintendo 64 console with the caption “happy with my purchase.”

“He bought it without running it by me,” she says. “We didn’t talk for a couple of days.”

The pair eventually had a sit-down about their finances, discussing their priorities and outlining a budget. Now, they give each other an allowance of $100 each month to spend privately on whatever they want.

“It gives us the freedom to be ourselves but still sets us up to meet our financial goals,” Chonce says.

How to deal: “Couples must share openly their beliefs about money, spending, saving and their financial goals,” Castaldo says. “Listening is a critical first step.”